Have you ever been in one of those friendships that start great but just dies sooner than it starts?
Perhaps you are the type that loses interests in friendships when you discover something not so cool in your friends?
If you have then you’d enjoy this post. Also you might be the one that needs tweaking.
It is not unusual to see people hook up and start seemingly wonderful friendships. Only for the lights, flames to fizzle out as time progresses. When such occurs, one of the probable explanation is the unrealistic expectations we have when we start friendships. It is very easy to see a wonderful attribute in a person and that would cloud your reasoning. We often overlook the human factor. We forget that just as no machine is 100% efficient, so are humans. So when we start to see the other sides of our friends, we become heartbroken. Then you hear statements like, “I thought you were a nice person”. The truth is there are no perfect human beings.
You see, you cannot be ugly and still lack character. What you lack in beauty should be adequately compensated in intelligence, manner, speech etc. It is true that God looks at the heart, but man values the outward appearance hence the saying dress the way you want to be addressed. But the sight of man can be easily deceived hence the other saying, “all that gilters is not gold”
Man’s weakness to be easily attracted by the lights, colors, pomps and pageantry of everyday life is easily exploited by a few with a preconceived image which is usually a smoke screen to belly the rots and decay below.
Everyone you see is just amplifying their strengths while we down play the weaknesses. This is why before you proceed with any friendship, you need to leave space for errors. Just because someone fits your idea of a friend today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow. The yorubas’ have a saying, “Ti a ba nsore, Ka fi aiye ija sile,” which literary translates to, “when you are being friends with someone, leave spaces for misunderstandings.”
This is rather true about the human nature because human needs change, priorities differ, people evolve, so does friendship. Do you still wear your favorite christmas shoe from 10 years old? I doubt it.
Friendship is more or less like a contract, so people fail to read the fine lines. In fact we fail to draw a terms and conditions guide. So when issues arise, we have no reference point.
Perhaps the best way to tackle this issue is before the friendship starts. When you are beginning to notice the closeness. Take a step backward and see the bigger picture.
A few questions you need to ask before going into friendship are these:
Why am I being friends with shola?
What kind of friendship are we having?
Is s/he going to be an acquaintance or confidant?
For how long are we going to be friends?
Is s/he the kind of friend I can relate with?
What are my limits and boundaries in this friendship?
These and many more should be able to guide our friendship and save us the heartbreaks that we encounter. It helps you to know, what to share with your supposed friends. There are very few things that hurt more than betrayal. Having a friend that uses your secrets against you.
I remember having a friend a few years back. We met at a time I wasn’t emotionally balanced. This made me let down my guards. I told her some privy information, only to discover that she blackmails me with my own words. I was so distraught but I took some necessary actions to set me free. It cost me a few things, but I regained my freedom.
Like I once opined in this article , people are in your life for a reason and a season. Once the reason and season is over, let them go.
Life is too short to have friends that bring you constant sorrow. It’s however better, not to be friends with them in the first place.
Have a wonderful weekend.
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Have you had any unpleasant friendships? How did you handle it? Let’s learn from your experiences. Use the comment box below.