Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships or friendships that leave a bitter taste in our mouth. The whole weight of the relationship is on us. We are the ones trying to call, text, mail or ping. The other party is dormant. At this time we become emotionally bankrupt especially if the friendship meant something to us. We begin to ask questions. Where exactly did I go wrong? Probably because of shared experiences or memories, we are hesitant to let go. So we hold on and tolerate the friendship and that further zaps the little life in us. Until gradually it begins to dawn on us that the whole relationship is dead; the funeral rites are just too expensive for both parties.
A few weeks ago when @orefakorede on twitter asked a pertinent question, “how do you know when its time to let go of something or someone?”
I replied “when you are tired of it all or when you have found something better.”
To be sincere, letting go of some friendships can be expensive. However the bitterness that comes with holding on to such friendships is more expensive.
If you find yourself in such situations, you need to run some friendship diagnosis.
1. Ascertain there is no problem or life challenges facing your friend. It will be bad of you to desert your friend in times of needs. You can do this by visiting him/her.
2. Intensify your efforts at making the friendship work. If it does bounce back, you’ll be happy for it. If it doesn’t, you’ll know you have tried your best.
When you have tried all the above and nothing is happening,
it is only right to take a leaf from Robert Greene’s the 48 laws of power #16. “Use absence to increase respect.”
What you should do is just gradually excuse yourself from the friendship activities you engage in. if you call him three times daily, reduce it to two. If she is observant, she will notice the distance. If she doesn’t, increase the distance, reduce the calls to once daily. By using this law, two things will happen.
- 1. If the other party is observant, s/he will notice the distance on your part and try to reach out.
- 2. There is no response from the other party and the friendship dies a natural death.
When (1) happens, its a good sign that both parties are committed to the friendship but when (2) happens, *sighs* boy you’d better seek new friendship opportunities. Move on with your life. Like I said in this post, ” just because someone fits your idea of a friend today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow.
Have a wonderful week.
Join the conversation on twitter follow @phemyte.