Sometimes we find ourselves in relationships or friendships that leave a bitter taste in our mouth. The whole weight of the relationship is on us. We are the ones trying to call, text, mail, or ping. The other party is dormant. At this time, we become emotionally bankrupt, especially if the friendship meant something to us. We begin to ask questions. Where exactly did I go wrong? Probably because of shared experiences or memories, we are hesitant to let go. So we hold on and tolerate the friendship, and that further zaps the little life in us. Until gradually it begins to dawn on us that the whole relationship is dead; the funeral rites are just too expensive for both parties.
A few weeks ago, when @orefakorede on Twitter asked a pertinent question, “how do you know when it’s time to let go of something or someone?”
I replied, “when you are tired of it all or when you have found something better.”
To be sincere, letting go of some friendships can be expensive. However, the bitterness that comes with holding on to such friendships is more expensive.
If you find yourself in such situations, you need to run some friendship diagnosis.
1. Ascertain there is no problem or life challenges facing your friend. It will be bad of you to desert your friend in times of needs. You can do this by visiting him/her.
2. Intensify your efforts at making the friendship work. If it does bounce back, you’ll be happy for it. If it doesn’t, you’ll know you have tried your best.
When you have tried all the above and nothing is happening,
it is only right to take a leaf from Robert Greene’s the 48 laws of power #16. “Use absence to increase respect.”
What you should do is just gradually excuse yourself from the friendship activities you engage in. if you call him three times daily, reduce it to two. If she is observant, she will notice the distance. If she doesn’t, increase the distance, reduce the calls to once daily. By using this law, two things will happen.
- 1. If the other party is observant, s/he will notice the distance on your part and try to reach out.
- 2. There is no response from the other party, and the friendship dies a natural death.
When (1) happens, it’s a good sign that both parties are committed to the friendship, but when (2) happens, *sighs* boy you’d better seek new friendship opportunities. Move on with your life. Like I said in this post, just because someone fits your idea of a friend today doesn’t mean they will tomorrow.
Have a wonderful week.
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obafemifawibe 
I have had to let go of a relationship in the past for the same obvious reasons you enumerated in this article – it took me years to get to the letting go stage but when I did, O the relief, it was like I finally dropped off a heavy baggage on my back after such an arduous journey. 🙂
Yaaaay *backflips* :D… I’ve got le diva on my blog. *backflips again*.
The relief is so soothing just like being delivered of a baby.
*how do I know that when I’m a man?* :s Anyway, there’s this peace that transcends your being after letting go. Its a wonderful feeling, like breaking free of slavery.
Thanks for dropping by ma’m, so happy to have you here. Stay blessed.
Thanks. For ‘freeing’ me.
Oh you don’t know.
As though I needed permission….
Its just that you’ve articulated my chaotic thoughts so beautifully, it sits in my brain. And in my heart too. Strangely.
Thank you
I understand what you mean by “chaotic”.
I had to stumble through a maze to pour these out too. That “freeing” feeling? Its like being an eagle soaring with the wind. The rush of air hitting your face… The weightlessness… Its bliss.
Thanks for dropping by Kb. I’m glad you found it soothing. Do check back. *big hug*
Oh will check back. Good writing isn’t a dime a dozen.
Thanks for the hug 🙂
Stay well, ok?
No need to say remain true to you…..no chance of that changing. Which is good stuff!
Thanks for the kind words. Awesome blog you have there, kindly make it mobile compatible.
Thank you for the compliment.
I’m in the process of a redesign – responsive/mobilefriendly is the priority. Thanks a lot.
Keep at it.
So before you let go, let me inform you of the `post-letting go` experiences. One,you will still think about the person or thing since they have (or had) a hold on you in a great deal. So,do not think too highly of yourself. Here,I will suggest your resolve to let go be hinged on someone you are accountable to,so they can keep a check on you. And two,even when you are tired or have found something better, you will still miss their peculiarity sometimes. Don’t tell me it’s not true or I will ask you why it took you ages to walk away.Everyone has a touch of difference,so admit it. Don’t overate your BETTER afterall,therefore be contented your happiness is the bottom line.
Hmmn, insightful laide. Thanks for the pointers.
1. Of course they would still cross your mind once in a while, but you have to go where you are celebrated.
2. You were living before you met them. You will leave after you left them.
3. The “better” is actually your happiness.
Perhaps you should read this too.
Of Nurseries, Crutches and Scaffolds, and share your thoughts.
Thanks.